Grilled Smoked Paprika Tofu & Mexican Beautiful Katamari Balls

Day 1

I thought I would start this recipe off with an old story my white suburban mother would tell me growing up.

When the Romans entered Germany early in the 1980’s, each soldier only had a nickel to their name. Legend has it there were over 65,000 soldiers, they were all extremely malnourished, and starving. Being that none of them could eat on only a nickel, they decided to combine their fortunes, and feed everyone. They all made a circle formation in downtown Germany, and threw their nickels into the middle of the circle. The consensus was to take the nickels in bags to the closest butcher, and provide a great feast that’s tale would swim through the hills and valleys for all of time. The nickels only added up to feed about 40,000 of the troops, and the rest had to eat vegetables they found in the ground. Unfortunately, after the great feast (of all meat of course), all of their belly’s hurt, then they died. The 20,000 troops left, went onto win the war against the Germans, and became known as The Vegetarians. Now Vegan Mofo carries on the tradition, thousands of blogs, from all over the world, tossing in their….nickl….blogs and such. All in a belief that if we combine our powers, we can defeat the meat-eaters, and maybe one day stop explaining where we get protein from.

Throughout the day I was trying to think of what I wanted to make for Vegan MoFo day 1. I was really in the mood for Mexican, so I started there. I really like shapes, and pieces fitting in with other pieces. These pictures didn’t end up doing great justice, and the concept kind of got hidden and underexposed. None the less, it worked, and that was my main concern.

My idea was to take a lot of elements of mexican food that I love, and put them in a ball.  Kinda like the Katamari game.  Then to lay that ball in a layer of grilled tofu, and top it with a sauce.

For the Tofu :

First I carved half moons into the tofu with a melon scooper. Next I tossed the tofu in a container with some olive oil and apple cider vinegar. I blended Smoked paprika (a lot), garlic powder, onion powder, cumin, chili powder, salt and pepper in a mortar, and used it as a rub on the tofu. It sticks pretty well with the olive oil. They were placed on the grill for about 7 minutes on each side (spray the grill first with some grill oil spray), and laidon a bed of red lettuce.

For the Balls :

• can of corn
• 2 15oz cans of re-fried beans
• small can of minced black olives,
• mexican rice
• tortilla chips (ground)

In a pretty big pan, pour in some olive oil, and some diced onions and corn. I let that cook for a while, brown it a little. In a separate pot, I made some Mexican rice (takes about 20 minutes for the rice, so maybe do that early on). After the rice, and the corn are cooked, pour the rice into the pan with the corn, and add a couple of cans of re-fried beans, and a can of finely diced black olives. Let everything cook for a little while, and add some garlic, salt and pepper too. Add some bread crumbs to thicken everything up, they will stay together better in the fryer. After its done, take it out, and put it in the fridge (or the freezer if you’re in a rush). Next make up the breading for the balls. To stick with the Mexican theme, I ground some tortilla chips in the mortar, very fine. After every things cooled off, roll the (corn, beans, rice etc.) concoction into balls the size of the half moons in the tofu. Next roll the balls around in the tortilla crumbs. Toss them in a deep fryer for about 2 minutes. I then placed them in the tofu, added some of my dads home made pico, (roma tomatoes, onions, garlic, jalepeno, cilantro, and salt) smashed avocado, and diced chili’s. I topped it with a Chili dill sour cream. Which consisted of tofuti sour cream, ancho chili powder, garlic powder, soy sauce, tons of fresh dill, salt and pepper. Yummy success! These balls were divine! (no homo)

How can I love you, if you wont lie down?

Boy oh boy, having a real job really makes life dull.  Although my job is probably the only one that exists in the nine to five world that I could ever imagine going to bed at midnight for.  Everythings felt very scattered and fast for the past month, and I’m just now starting to feel like myself again.  Well not the old self that could stay up drinking until 5am, and get on the post punk kitchen to post drunk naked pictures of myself, but familiar none the less.  We haven’t really made anything that amazing, but Sarah made these incredible cupcakes.  This was her first successful vegan baking, and it turned a lot of heads at the party.

Here’s our three legged dog tofu,  playing xbox while were cooking.

This is a dinner we made one night that was simple but good.  Fake bacon, lettuce, tomatoes, smoked tofu (not the dog), and veganaise.

This is a lil thing i threw together that involves filo, vegan cream cheese, a basil leaf (next time ill use a spinach leaf), smoked tofu, and sriracha.

and last, we had a bunch of people over the other night and made a ton of vegan sliders.  The recipe for the burger is from Vegan dad.  Everyone ate the shit out of these.

Stay tuned, I’ve got some contests coming up where you guys can win things!  I plan on starting a weekly thing starting in march, where I will be giving away very cool stuff for free!

Fooogeettaabboouttiitt! Italian night! *Day 6*

The power is still out all over Louisville, and we’ve still got guest lurching around the house.  Spaghetti is probably one of the best things to make for a bunch of people.  I’ve always had a hang up with people that live in America and pull the Italian card.  You know the type.  Their parent, or Grand parents, are Italian descendants, so instantly they’re more proud to be Italian, than Italians.  They are impossible to cook for, and always more annoying than Ryan Adams fans.  You’re as Italian, as I am Indian.  Please stop.  We all know that DNA and genes don’t pass down taste buds, stop pretending like they do.

Total cost about $13

I stopped by Amazing Grace, and got some polenta and tvp.  The tvp was a beef flavored one, that I haven’t tried yet.  We hydrated it, seared it in some olive oil with some onions, roasted garlic  and poured  basil garlic tomato sauce into it.  The polenta was sliced into 1/4 inch slices and pan seared in some canola oil.  After a little crispy, i seasoned it with garlic powder, salt, crushed red peppers, and smoked paprika.  Again, I suggest a Heileman’s Old Style with this dish.

Smokey Chili *Day 3*

It’s day three, and being really broke never tasted so good.  It’s snowing outside, 18 degrees, and my girlfriend had “roomie” night tonight.  Which basically means I have to go away for a few hours to hang out with my male friends, and let them get wasted on wine.  Tonight was chili night, so it worked out well for everyone.  I’ve made 26 chili’s in the past year, and they’ve all just been O.K.  Nothing really grabbed me.  In fact I came in last place at a chili cook off for a friend of mine’s birthday.  This chili, is in fact, the one.  My dad always had a delicious chili growing up, and I’m now proud to say I have my own chili.  All of my previous recipes have come from recipes, so I decided to go rogue with this one, and just do my thing.  It’s a little smokey, delicious, and of course cheap.

Total cost about $11

• 2 can black or pinto beans, drained
• 2 can kidney beans, drained
• 2 can diced tomatoes
• 1 onion, diced
• 6 cloves garlic, minced
• 2 green peppers
• 1 small can of tomato paste
• 4 tbls of nutritional yeast
• 4 tbsp olive oil
• 1 cup tbsp vegetable broth
• 1/2 cup of hickory allegro (my favorite marinade, basically soy and liquid smoke + some other shit)
• 4 tbsp chili powder
• 2 tbls oregano
• 4 tbls curry
• 1 tbls turmeric
• 4 tbls curry
• 2 tbls smoked paprika
• 1 tbls salt
• 2 tbls ancho chili powder
• 2 tbls mexican chili powder
• 1 tbls red pepper flakes (optional)
• 2 cups of hydrated  TVP
• 2 cups of water
• 1 glass with 2 dudes wrestling on it

Cook the onions, green peppers and garlic first in the olive oil until transparent.  Slowly add the beans.  Let it simmer for a few minutes, and add all of the spices.  Go ahead and pull out your glass with two dudes wrestling on it, and serve hot.

Yes We (mexi)Can! *Day 2*

Total cost about $10

Day two of F.A.F.P.F., and things are getting really crazy around here.  We’re trying to cover a lot of bases,while being extremely generic, and of course, cheap.  When I used to live in Hawaii, a friend of my brothers named Phillip would come over to eat sometimes.  He was pretty much the most annoying kid ever made, but made a nice punching bag for a bunch of 9 year olds.  He was extremely white, had these huge thick glasses, and olive oil hair.  One night when he was coming over he was telling us which Mexican food he liked.  He was attempting to talk in his most authentic Mexican accent.  Saying things like, “i love tooohstaadas, and enchillaaaadas, and taaccoos (pronounced ta-hoes).  From that point on, every time we ate Mexican (he pronounced it meh-hee-can), it was right to the Phillip impersonations, and I’m proud to say I still do.  Nothing like a little laugh at someone else’s expense.

The rice was made from 1 1/2 cups of white rice, chopped roma tomatoes, chopped bell peppers, garlic, cumin, ancho chili powder, chipotle sauce, tomato sauce, and salt to taste.  The tostadas had re-fried beans at the bottom, FYH cheese, tvp (seasoned meh-hee-can style), lettuce, and tomatoes.  They were fried on a stove top skillet, in some olive oil.  On top was chipotle a sour cream, (vegan sour cream, chipotle sauce, drop of alegro, garlic powder, salt, ancho chili powder, nutritional yeast, and lime juice) and some salsa.  Also on the side is just some re-fried beans with lettuce and tomatoes.

Vegan slumgolian! *Day 1*

Welcome to day 1 of  the 22 day filth amateur, food porn fest!  This is a recipe from my mom, that we had growing up a lot.  It’s easily veganised, and like a funner ( I love that word) version of sloppy joe’s.  Thank god for the filthy amateur food porn fest, I would never be able to post this.

Total cost about $6

• 1 Pkg of tempeh
• 1 can of vegetarian beans
• 1 large family size can of tomato soup
• 1 onion
• 3 tbls of curry
• 4 cloves of garlic
• 1 tbls ancho chili powder, tumeric
• 1 tsp of smoked paprika (optional)

First boil a package of tempeh first for 10 minutes.  while waiting,  put some diced onions in a pan until they get translucent.  Let the onions cook for a few minutes, and add the garlic (minced).  When the tempehs done, crumble it and throw it in to cook with the onions.  Let the tempeh crisp up a little bit.  There’s usually a lot of water in it, so it might take a while.  Add all of the spices except the curry, and stir.  Let that cook for a few minutes and add the soup, and beans.  The can of beans just says vegetarian beans in tomato sauce.  The can in my grocery was right next to the pork and beans.  Add the curry and stir really well.  Garnish with parsley and nutritional yeast.  I served it over wheat buns, but I’ve heard of people using macaroni, or rice.  This makes a lot, thanks ma!

Red potato & Yukon Gold Hash Browns w/Spicy Roasted Garlic Ketchup

- Red & Yukon Gold Hash Browns w/Spicy Roasted Garlic Ketchup

- English Muffins w/Cumin Dill Sour Cream, Diced Olives and Sweet Peppers

- Pan Seared baby bananas w/Roasted Red Peppers & chives

Hash browns were invented by the ancient rednecks of Georgia in 1773.  They were at one point used during sex games, where the redneck would  place a batch of shredded potatoes on his womans stomach, believing that “her body was so smokin’ hot”, he could actually cook them on her.  Of course, this is just a legend.  Usually nothing would happen, and the two would just end up having sex in a pile of shredded potatoes, and onions.  However, stories like these that my parents told me growing up, always claimed a big piece of my heart.

I threw this together while in the grocery store.  The hash browns are just shredded red and yukon gold potatoes, as well as some cut onions.  Browned them on a skillet with some oil, salt and pepper and of course, smoked paprika.   Make sure and lay a few paper towels over the potatoes after you shred them, and get as much of the water out of them as you can.  The ketchup is put in a blender with sriracha, roasted garlic, some lime juice and s&p.

The English muffins were toasted and had some earth balance and roasted garlic (literally spread on there!).  The sauce was made with tofutti sour cream, cumin, dill, salt and peper, and a dash of sriracha sauce.  Mix it well and  lay it over the English muffin.  Green, kalamata olives and sweet red peppers were diced, and laid on top.

The baby bananas were pan seared in earth balance with salt and pepper.  Laid over them is roasted red peppers and sliced chives.

Dig in!  Like most meals that people suggest wines with, I suggest this to go with a warm     Heileman’s Old Style.

Seitan greasy highway burger….

For some reason no matter what, everytime I post something up that looks a lot like meat, I get a ton of emails and comments. They usualy go a little something like this. “Man, i couldnt eat that, that looks too real.” There seems to be a lot of people that are vegan, that really get what we call “annoying”. I get it, you’re so vegan, that not only did you make a personal decision to not eat meat, but you’ve also made a personal decision to be annoying. You know how I know that you made that personal decision? Because you have to tell me, and the world, that its too real for you to eat. Nobody goes on blogs and says things like, “sorry that corn on the cob looks way to much like a penis for me to eat.” You know why? Because really, who gives a shit. I’m actually not a huge fan of fake meats, being that I really actually crave vegetables most of the time, but from time to time, I think it’s great. Now if you don’t like the way they taste, thats one thing, but if you just wan’t to tell me how you can’t get past the fact that it looks like meat, (in sarah palin voice) theeeanks, but no theeanks. I used the PPK recipe for the seitan. But I changed up some very important steps. First I didn’t make the vital wheat gluten, i just went and bought it in a bag. Second, I didn’t boil it, i baked it in the broth. That’s a huge difference in texture change. The texture really amazing. Let it cook for an hour or so, at about 300 degrees. When you take it out, cut it into the size you want. Throw it in to a pan, and toss about 3 tbls of olive oil, and add some salt and pepper. The oil will give it a very greasy effect. Of course this isn’t the healthiest sandwich, but its really delicious. I put some vegan mayonnaise on the buns, lettuce, pickles, onions, ketchup, mustard, and some s&p. Put whatever other disgusting things on it you like, I just cover the good stuff.

I like big stacks and I cannot lie….

Ive been wanting to make something in a stack form for a while. I always see them in magazines I read, they always look really cool. This is a bed of spinach and pine nuts cooked in garlic, some olive oil, and bragg. The stack starts at the bottom with mustard broccoli mashed potatoes. On top of that is smoked, and pan seared tofu. The onions were sauteed in some vegan butter, garlic, and balsamic vinegar. Next is just a pan seared tomato in olive oil, with salt and pepper. A slice of avocado on the top, and a cumin sour cream on top (my dads idea) The cumin sauce is just some vegan sour cream, with a couple drips of thousand island, bragg, mustard, garlic and lime juice. Add some salt and pepper to taste. Then the green beans were just cooked in some olive oil, soy sauce, garlic, and some salt and pepper.

“I can be your Gyro baby…..”

If you live in Louisville, and you spend time in the highlands, you know the amount of Mediterranean restaurants is borderline silly. Within a 5 mile radius, there is Pita Hut, Shiraz, Falafel House, Zaytun, Pita Delights, Omar’s Gyros, and Grape Leaf. There very well could be more, but these are all ones that i can walk to from Sarah’s house. When my dad was in town, we went to eat at Falafel House, its really cheap, and pretty good. Either way, everyone at the table got gyros, and they looked really delicious. Minus the whole meat thing, i love the idea of a gyro. Crispy lettuce, tomato’s, hummus, onions, cucumbers, pita bread, tzatziki sauce, and a little visit from my little friend seitan. I got together a couple of recipes from offline, combined them, and switched them up a bit.

Vegan Gyro :

The obvious things you need :

Boston red lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber, onions and some pita bread.

Faux Lamb recipe (taken from vegsource.com)

4 cups vital wheat gluten flour
1/2 cup whitewheat flour (or regular whole wheat flour)
1/4 cup unbleached white flour
1/4 cup soy flour
1/2 cup Minute tapioca
1 Tbs nutritional yeast
2 tsps “chicken” bouillon powder
2 Tbs “beef” bouillon powder
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp rosemary
1 tsp dried parsley
3 & 1/4 cups cold water
1 Tbs low-sodium soy sauce

In a bowl, mix all dry ingredients.
In another bowl, mix water and soy sauce,
Add all at once to the dry ingredients.
Mix quickly, and knead for a few minutes.
Shape into two rolls.
Cook now, or wrap and freeze for later cooking,
or cook one now, and freeze the other for later cooking.

Cooking Broth

8 cups water
1/4 cup low-sodium soy sauce
1 tsp Kitchen Bouquet
1/4 cup nutritional yeast
1 onion, peeled and sliced
2 cloves garlic, peeled and sliced
2 tsps “chicken” bouillon powder
2 Tbs “beef” bouillon powder
1 tsp rosemary
1 tsp dried parsley
1 tsp sugar

Into a large stewpot, put all cooking broth ingredients.
Bring to a boil, and cook 5 minutes, stirring often.
Add 1 seitan roll, and bring to boil again.
IMMEDIATELY turn heat to medium-low.
Partially-cover, and simmer for 1 – 2 hours.
Do not let broth boil again, or seitan will be tough or doughy.
Remove “pot roast” from broth.
Slice “pot roast”.
Saute` in oil or margarine until browned, and serve.
Store any unfried or leftover fried “roast” in the cooking broth, in fridge.
Use cooking broth for making sauces and gravies.

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We didn’t use the fake chicken broth, being that we didn’t have any, but we did come across some really good fake beef broth. We used that, vegetable broth, and mushroom broth. Also i strongly recommend that “kitchen bouquet” stuff. It’s vegan, and it actually made a big difference in the final result of the seitan.

After the seitan’s done, slice it thin, and fry it in some oil and add some Cavender’s greek seasoning if you can find it. Don’t be startled by the creepy

chef on the front. As alarming as his child abducting mustache is, and the size of what appears to be something only served in Bedrock, its actually very tasty. It’s really salty, so just put a small amount on, and add more if you want more.

The picture was taken on a plate that looked like it was descending from heaven, so i thought it only be right to take it in photoshop and add a little blur around the plate.

I got the Tzatziki recipe from tofu-and-sprouts blog, which turned out awesome, i may have eaten it with a spoon. We didnt use tofu, or tofutti sour cream, we just used 1 cup of vegan fat free mayonnaise. We also had no mint, so we just didnt use it. Although i think it would have worked really well with it. Oh and also Maui onions were $8 for 3, so we threw them at the guy that worked in produce and yelled “oh bullshit!”. We just ended up using a yellow onion.

Has anyone ever eaten at a restaurant and had hummus that was really creamy, like peanut butter texture? I’ve been looking for a recipe for this for some time, and actually just stumbled onto it, on accident. A recipe I used a while ago, called for garbonzo bean flour, and there was a recipe on the back for hummus. The flour is really cheap, and it goes a really long way.

Creamy Hummus :

1 cup garbanzo flour

1 1/2 cup water, cold

4 tablespoon lemon juice

4 tablespoon sesame tahini

3/4 teaspoon sea salt, optional

1/4 teaspoon garlic powder, or 1 garlic clove, pressed

2 tablespoon olive oil

In a saucepan stir garbanzo flour into the cold water until smooth. Heat mixture until bubbly, stirring constantly. Remove from heat. Add lemon juice, tahini, garlic and salt if used. Mix well; cool. If mixture appears to be too thick, add more water before serving. Pour oil over hummus, or stir into the mixture.

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Take the flat bread, and put it in the oven to broil for a few minutes, until it gets warm, and fluffy (that sounds really dirty). Spread the hummus over the bread thinly, and lay the seitan down on half of the bread, and the lettuce, tomatos, some chopped cucumber and onions, and Tzatziki sauce on the other half. Push it together, shove it in your face, and with a mouth full sing at the top of your lungs, “I can be your gyro baby, i can kiss away the pain!”. Wipe your face with your sleeve, and stare at the closest person to you. Walk backwards out of the room, and don’t take your eyes off of them.