How can I love you, if you wont lie down?

Boy oh boy, having a real job really makes life dull.  Although my job is probably the only one that exists in the nine to five world that I could ever imagine going to bed at midnight for.  Everythings felt very scattered and fast for the past month, and I’m just now starting to feel like myself again.  Well not the old self that could stay up drinking until 5am, and get on the post punk kitchen to post drunk naked pictures of myself, but familiar none the less.  We haven’t really made anything that amazing, but Sarah made these incredible cupcakes.  This was her first successful vegan baking, and it turned a lot of heads at the party.

Here’s our three legged dog tofu,  playing xbox while were cooking.

This is a dinner we made one night that was simple but good.  Fake bacon, lettuce, tomatoes, smoked tofu (not the dog), and veganaise.

This is a lil thing i threw together that involves filo, vegan cream cheese, a basil leaf (next time ill use a spinach leaf), smoked tofu, and sriracha.

and last, we had a bunch of people over the other night and made a ton of vegan sliders.  The recipe for the burger is from Vegan dad.  Everyone ate the shit out of these.

Stay tuned, I’ve got some contests coming up where you guys can win things!  I plan on starting a weekly thing starting in march, where I will be giving away very cool stuff for free!

Red potato & Yukon Gold Hash Browns w/Spicy Roasted Garlic Ketchup

- Red & Yukon Gold Hash Browns w/Spicy Roasted Garlic Ketchup

- English Muffins w/Cumin Dill Sour Cream, Diced Olives and Sweet Peppers

- Pan Seared baby bananas w/Roasted Red Peppers & chives

Hash browns were invented by the ancient rednecks of Georgia in 1773.  They were at one point used during sex games, where the redneck would  place a batch of shredded potatoes on his womans stomach, believing that “her body was so smokin’ hot”, he could actually cook them on her.  Of course, this is just a legend.  Usually nothing would happen, and the two would just end up having sex in a pile of shredded potatoes, and onions.  However, stories like these that my parents told me growing up, always claimed a big piece of my heart.

I threw this together while in the grocery store.  The hash browns are just shredded red and yukon gold potatoes, as well as some cut onions.  Browned them on a skillet with some oil, salt and pepper and of course, smoked paprika.   Make sure and lay a few paper towels over the potatoes after you shred them, and get as much of the water out of them as you can.  The ketchup is put in a blender with sriracha, roasted garlic, some lime juice and s&p.

The English muffins were toasted and had some earth balance and roasted garlic (literally spread on there!).  The sauce was made with tofutti sour cream, cumin, dill, salt and peper, and a dash of sriracha sauce.  Mix it well and  lay it over the English muffin.  Green, kalamata olives and sweet red peppers were diced, and laid on top.

The baby bananas were pan seared in earth balance with salt and pepper.  Laid over them is roasted red peppers and sliced chives.

Dig in!  Like most meals that people suggest wines with, I suggest this to go with a warm     Heileman’s Old Style.

Curry Sweet Potato Fries w/ Spicy Mango Chutney Ranch

I’ve never made sweet potato fries, and I love curry. I had been reading that the sweet potato fries turned out mushy, so I decided to go with the baking at 450 degree method. I boiled the potatoes first, then cut them into fries. Toss them in curry and cornstarch, salt, sprinkle some smoked paprika, and throw them in the oven. Make sure to lay foil on the pan, and spray it good with some pam, or they will stick bad. I baked them for a while, and turned them about every 10 minutes. While they were baking, I put some earth balance in a pan, melted it down, and added some curry and lime juice. Let that cook on high for minute, then turn it off until the fries are done. For the sauce, I just mixed some vegan ranch with some mango chutney, lime juice and s&p. The fries turned out pretty crispy. I dipped one in the chutney ranch, smacked my girlfriends ass really hard while chewing, and said, oh shiiiit. The ranch really makes this one.

Fancy schmancy Vegan Macaroni and “Cheese”

I’ve always been very attracted to macaroni and cheese. It’s really fattening, and delicious. Macaroni and cheese has always been to me, like that gross girl you banged in college, and you never told your friends about. I know what you’re saying, “awwww, that poor macaroni and cheese! You’re such a typical male chauvinist faux pig! “. Okay, okay, maybe you’re right, but it’s a good analogy and you know it. Growing up, we added hotdogs, and maybe even sometimes, some salt and pepper. Being that I’m now awesome, I have decided to make my own, gourmet style.

I searched around the google for a very short time, and found 3 recipes that gave me a little vegan boner. First, I was on the “food porn” section of the Veggieboards forum. After having a few pretentious lol’s at what people considered “food porn” (i.e. microwavable amy’s vegetarian in a box meals((literally)), I found an awesome vegan macaroni and cheese dish. It’s a bit bland, but none the less, very delicious looking. I then dug deeper. Cause I’m an investigator.  I don’t just settle for the bullshit. I’m into it. Sorry, that came out wrong. I wanted something to show that I’m way more hip, and don’t need to live in Brooklyn to have a vegan blog. I next found a recipe for macaroni and cheese that had morels and lobster in it. Then I found one that put sweet potatoes in it. I nearly shit myself with  ideas. I replaced the lobster with sun dried tomatoes, and used soy creamer, instead of soy milk. Capers anyone? Hell yeah, I did. Sauteed the sun dried tomatoes and morels in some vegan butter with garlic, and caramelized the sweet potatoes into little squares. Baked it at 350 degrees for 15 minutes, and made out with my girlfriend for 9 minutes while waiting. This is the best macaroni and cheese you will ever have. “oh, i add tvp to my mac & cheeze”. Shut up pervert. Make this, and stop watching real chance at love.

Stuffed avocados & grilled asparagus w/horseradish sauce

Did you read this article? Oh, you didn’t. Well let me just put it to you like this.  Avocados are gonna be 2009’s new gas prices. According to the article, the weather was hotter than normal last June, which means we’re all gonna be typing in green beans on the produce button in the u-scan lane’s. Not to mention, I accidentally read what some person named “don” wrote on the comment section below that made me puke a little in my mouth.

Don said…

I have not been buying any avocados anyway–because all the avocados ,tomatoes,and other produce are from Mexico—and I refuse to buy any produce from Mexico because from what I have read and heard –Mexico uses sewer water in many places to water the crops.

Now true, don could be that guy or girl, thats in the supermarket wearing a hemp purse, and patchouli, listening to Sigur Rós on his or her organic i-pod. Either way, I still thought about it while making tonights side dish. Being that avocados are practically gods handjob of the earth, I made them anyways.
Scoop the avocado out, carefully, and set it aside. Dice up the tomato and the avocado, and toss them in a bowl. Add 3 cloves of minced roasted garlic into the mix, and carefully mix everything. Put everything back into the avocado skins, and drizzle a generous amount of nutritional yeast over the top. Next add some salt and pepper, some smoked paprika. I drizzle some Tabasco sauce over the top, but that just if your feeling crazy. The Asparagus was cooked in a cast iron pan, with some vegan butter and garlic. The horseradish sauce was mixed together in a bowl :

1 cup of veganaise

2 tbls of horseradish

1 tbls of garlic powder

1 tsp of bragg (or soysauce)

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Lay it out and make it look pretty, I added some sriracha sauce too. Believe me you dont want people calling you a racist.

Thankyou for smoking….

As you will see on this blog, i am a frequent visitor of the what the hell does a vegan eat anyway? blog.  They’re always smoking stuff like its going out of style, so i went out and bought a smoker. Luckily i was able to find one locally, but i really had to look hard. I went to bed bath and beyond, target, sears, meijer, etc. I even covered my face with a newspaper and went into wal-mart looking for one. Eventually i stumbled on this little place here in Louisville called The Gourmet Cottage, and its a must visit if you’re in or around Louisville. I bought the smoker for $40 and bought 3 small bags of wood chips (hickory, mesquite, and black cherry). In the end my favorite was mesquite. Let me just tell everyone, you need a smoker. Oh no your saying, i’m cool without one, I know how to cook tofu properly and i snort nutritional yeast. Well guess what, your not. You need this item. Heres the same one i bought on amazon for $39.00. (link)

Ive smoked Zucchini, seitan and tofu so far, and this blog is about the tofu (all were very good though). Ive gotten to the point, where i only want tofu like this. I mean, im so crazy and filthy, i eat tofu raw, and i still will. Sometime i dip it in soy sauce, sometimes i dip it in hot sauce, so what! Dont judgeish me! The smoked way is by far the best though, no doubt about it. I came up with this recipe while at work, and made it for a going away party.

Smoked Tofu h’orderves

1 Block of extra firm tofu

2 red peppers

1 jar of capers

1 tbls of smoked paprika

3 cloves of garlic

2 cups of hummus

1/4 cup of soy sauce

4 chives

1 tbls of olive oil

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First get the tofu cut and ready for the smoker, thats the longest part of this process. cut the tofu about a 1/4 inch thick or so, maybe a little less, i usually cut it just a little thinner than that. Keep in mind in the end you will be cutting it into squares (after you smoke it) and no one likes to bite into thick tofu. Ready the smoker, i pour red wine on the wood chips instead of water. After the smoker is assembled, put a thing of foil over the grill part, so the tofu doesnt fall through. Start the burner, and let it smoke for about 20 minutes, flip it, and smoke it for another 20 minutes. While thats smoking, get your red pepper out, and wash it, gut it, slice it into squares about the size of checker board squares. Take a spoon and lay a descent spread of hummus on each of the squares, let those sit and wait for the tofu to finish. When the tofu is done, cut it into squares about the same size as the red peppers. Coat a pan with a litle bit of olive oil and after it warms up lay the garlic and tofu in. I usually let the tofu crisp up a little bit and flip it. Pour the soysauce in, and let it cook for a bit, until all of the soy sauce is soaked in. When its done, lay the tofu over the hummus on the red pepper, and top the tofu with another layer of hummus. Put about 3 capers and 2 chives into the top layer of hummus, and sprinkle the smoked paprika over them. Place some cute little toothpicks in them, or some little ferries, or maybe even some little baseball bats for the sport lovers! Goodnight, and good pot-luck.

-Stanley