Vegan Sausage McMuffin’s

As I was laying in bed, I heard a drum beat.  That beat was from Karate Kid 2, the sticks they spin in between their hands, and make old hip hop drums.  I looked over at my lover, and she lay asleep.  Listening to tranquil sound of Daniel son getting his ass kicked.  I was hungry.  I knew she would share the sensation.  It was 11am, and I wanted to make her breakfast.  I hate breakfast food.  I love her though.  But I wanted her to experience a breakfast.  Lord why have you laid such a burden on me!  Why do you toy with me?!  Then it hit me.  I must make the first McMuffin with my new cookie cutters.  The plan is dangerous, but I believe I will be the first.  I’m too fragile to google it, so I decided to assume I am the first.  I will cut tofu with a large circle, and cut a smaller circle inside.  I will cook them separate, and the middle shall be cooked in turmeric.  It will look amazing.  I could only find faux sausage.  My heart was set on some fake ham, but I was not so fortunate.  I cooked the fake sausage in garlic powder, onion powder, salt & pepper, and veg Worcestershire.  I then laid some toffuti cheddar cheese squares over them.  The English muffins were toasted and buttered, and the creation was complete with some hash browns.  *Que “you’re the best around”

Kind of hard to see the “yolk” effect, but the lighting was a little bad.

How can I love you, if you wont lie down?

Boy oh boy, having a real job really makes life dull.  Although my job is probably the only one that exists in the nine to five world that I could ever imagine going to bed at midnight for.  Everythings felt very scattered and fast for the past month, and I’m just now starting to feel like myself again.  Well not the old self that could stay up drinking until 5am, and get on the post punk kitchen to post drunk naked pictures of myself, but familiar none the less.  We haven’t really made anything that amazing, but Sarah made these incredible cupcakes.  This was her first successful vegan baking, and it turned a lot of heads at the party.

Here’s our three legged dog tofu,  playing xbox while were cooking.

This is a dinner we made one night that was simple but good.  Fake bacon, lettuce, tomatoes, smoked tofu (not the dog), and veganaise.

This is a lil thing i threw together that involves filo, vegan cream cheese, a basil leaf (next time ill use a spinach leaf), smoked tofu, and sriracha.

and last, we had a bunch of people over the other night and made a ton of vegan sliders.  The recipe for the burger is from Vegan dad.  Everyone ate the shit out of these.

Stay tuned, I’ve got some contests coming up where you guys can win things!  I plan on starting a weekly thing starting in march, where I will be giving away very cool stuff for free!

March is gonna kick ass, check out the poll, and I’m still really fucking broke.

Hello blog readers, sorry this month sucks.  I planned on completing the filth porn, but just didn’t find the time after my new job started.  It’s been really difficult, not having any money, and cooking anything worth posting.  We’ve been making a lot of repeats, like chili, and mac and cheese.  However, we did make 3 or 4 new things in the past week that I’m gonna post on here really soon.  Keep your eye out for the next 2 weeks though.  I get paid next Friday (I actually had to wait 3 weeks to get my first check!) so it will be on again on this website.  Starting in March, I’m going to start having contests to win really cool things too!  In the meantime, I came up with this nail biting poll, what would you pick?

When you die, you get to heaven, and God’s there, staring at you with those judge-ishing eyes. He says “sooooo, if you had two choices to either A. See every decision you’ve ever made, and what would have happened if you went the other way. or B. See every time someone talked about you, good or bad, ever, what would you choose?”

I started my new job today!

As some of you know I’ve been delivering pizza for almost 9 years, and doing graphic design on the side for a while.  I got hired for a really amazing job back in December, and my start day was today.  My first day was interesting, in my first huge building, with suits and ties, and my own desk and office.  I’m a graphic designer for a huge liquor rep, and the company is really amazing.  The job is nine to five, which I’ve never experienced, and It’s actually not so bad at all.  The day flew by, and I got a lot done.  The food postings will be a little slow this week as I adjust, but I’ve got some great ideas coming up.  To hold you over until the next recipe, as I was laying in bed last night, unable to sleep, I some how came up with three jokes.  I’ve never written jokes before, I thought our elders had written them all, turns out I found the last three.  These jokes are really hilarious, and great for office humor.

1. Where do robots like to hang out?

in heavy metal bars!

2. What do you call a guy that takes your money in a subway?

a sandwhich artist!

3. Why hasnt Jesus returned to earth?

he doesnt want to get double crossed!

Yeah I know the last one seems a litte terrible, but you laughed, don’t lie.